I don't know what precisely my problem is, but it might have something to do with my clinical depression. Or perhaps, more accurately, it might be the thing that caused my clinical depression. Either way it's impossible to get a handle on it, impossible to find it in the recesses of my mind, because I'm just too damn close to it, and lacking the energy to step back.

I need to find a way to repair it, despite my lack of knowledge on what it is. But from a cognitive level, it is not important to know exactly what it is, exactly where it is inside me, what needs to change is the behavior. I have to wake myself up. Change the behavior, and you change the nature of the problem, until there isn't one anymore. We can convince ourselves of anything.

But it's so comfortable to be so lazy.

It's so much safer to let myself dwell in it, because there is so much comfort to be found in consistency.

All the same. It's time to wake the fuck up.